


Voicemail

by WinterSky101



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Compliant, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Episode: s05e18 Point of No Return, Episode: s05e19 Hammer of the Gods, Episode: s05e20 The Devil You Know, Episode: s05e21 Two Minutes to Midnight, Falling In Love, M/M, Romance, Season/Series 05
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-19
Updated: 2013-11-19
Packaged: 2018-01-02 00:52:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1050573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterSky101/pseuds/WinterSky101
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The warehouse had been empty when Dean and Sam had stormed it. Castiel had been gone, sent away by the banishing sigil he had carved into his own chest, and Dean hadn't heard anything from him since. So he called him every day...and slowly fell in love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Voicemail

The warehouse had been empty when Dean and Sam had stormed it. Castiel had been gone, sent away by the banishing sigil he had carved into his own chest, and it had been Dean's fault that he had been forced to do so. The warehouse had been  _empty_.

And Dean hadn't heard anything from Castiel since.

Dean called Castiel every day, hoping he would someday get an answer and not just voicemail. He knew that the angel was probably in no condition to respond, assuming he was even alive, but that didn't stop the constant calls. Dean knew that Castiel wouldn't be able to find them, as they had the Enochian sigils on their ribs, so he told him where they were staying and prayed that he would find them.

_Hey, Cas, it's Dean. Um, I don't know if you're okay, but if you are, Sam and I are in Arizona, in room 13 at the Rochford Motel near Phoenix. I…well, I didn't say yes to Michael. I told Sam that it was because of him, but it wasn't. Not completely. It was also because of you. You had so much faith in me, and I didn't want to disappoint you. I felt like I already had, and I didn't want to again. And I'm really sorry about the banishing sigil stunt I pulled at Bobby's. So, anyway, I'm still me, and Sam and I are waiting for you. Um, call me back if you can. Bye._

_Cas, it's me again. Sam and I have moved on; we're in Flagstaff now. We're consulting a psychic here, and she told me she can't find you. But that doesn't mean anything, does it? I mean, you're an angel, so you can hide from psychics, right? Well, anyway, we're staying in room 24 in the Cicero Motel. Please come. Oh, and by the way, did you know that we killed Zachariah back in California? Yeah, I stabbed him through the head with one of those silver knife things. An angel blade, I think you called it? Not a very creative name, is it? So anyway, Zachariah's dead. Felt good to finally gank the stupid son of a bitch. Anyway, though you should know, in case you hadn't already heard. So, um, I hope to see you soon._

_I think you can guess who this is, huh? Sam and I have moved on to a little town in northern Texas. I'm not even sure what it's called- Wait, Sam says it's called Lewiston. Yeah, never heard of it before, but it's where we are. The motel name is just Lewiston Motel. The place only has one motel in it. Pathetic, right? So, we're in room 27, so if you can get here, we could really use some of your angel mojo right now. This whole driving-cross-country thing is a pain, and your teleportation would be really helpful. Thanks, Cas. See you soon, I hope._

Dean knew that Sam thought it was ridiculous for him to call so much, but he didn't care. He kept doing it, every day, with every motel, hoping that one day, Castiel would call back. Or better yet, he would appear in their motel room. Even though Dean didn't think his friend would be in great condition, he also didn't think anything would have made him feel better than going back to their motel after another fruitless day of trying to find a way to kill the Devil and finding Castiel waiting for them there. He hated the thought that whatever had happened to his friend was his fault, which it was; if he hadn't sent Castiel away at Bobby's house and he hadn't tried to run away, maybe they would have been able to stop Adam from running off and then Castiel wouldn't have had to try and take on five angels at once. Shivers ran down Dean's spine as he remembered his friend holding a boxcutter out to him and wanting him to carve the angel-banishing sigil into his chest. Dean hadn't been able to do it, so Sam had taken the knife and cut into Castiel's chest instead. The angel had been silent through the whole thing, but it had to have been painful. And he had gone out to  _fight_  like that, with his chest still bleeding. Dean hated that it was really all his fault. If Castiel was alive, Dean didn't see how he could forgive him. But still, he kept calling.

 _Hey, Cas, calling again. We're in Oklahoma City today, in room 42 of the Paradise Motel, and let me tell you, it isn't paradise. This place is practically falling apart around us. It's disgusting, really. Anyway, we talked to another psychic who, again, has no idea how to help us. Is it even possible to kill Lucifer? I'm starting to think it isn't, but I won't give up hope, I guess. And I won't say yes to Michael. I promise. I really hope you can meet up with us. We…_ I _could really use your help._

_Guess who? If you go through your voicemail, this'll probably piss you off to no end, but I just want to make sure you know where we are. So, um, we've moved to Kansas, near Lawrence. We're in room 5 of the Spyglass Motel. We're here to see an old friend of ours, a psychic our dad used to know. But I don't think she'll be able to help us any more than the last half a dozen psychics we met with. We could really use your help. Please, Cas, we need you. I need you. If you get this message, come. You know I'm not the praying type, and I'm praying to you._

_Cas, it's Dean again. This time, I'm calling you from Falls City, Nebraska. We're not in a motel this time, we're squatting in an unfinished apartment building right off the main road. We won't be here long; there's been a couple of things here that may be demonic omens. They're probably not, but better safe than sorry, right? Um, so I just want to make sure that you know that if you can't find us for some reason, you can go to Bobby's house. He'll be there. So, um, hopefully I'll see you._

Every time Dean called Castiel and got no answer, a little more of his hope would die. He didn't want to think that Castiel was dead, but it seemed like there was no other option. Surely he would have called them back by then. It had been a week, and they hadn't heard a single thing from him. As much as Dean hated to consider it, there was a strong possibility that Castiel was dead. Sam was able to consider it. Hell, he seemed to think it was true. But Dean didn't let the thought enter his mind. Castiel was alive and Dean was going to see him again. He had to. And so he kept calling.

_It's Dean. You probably guessed that. Today's town of choice is Dubuque, Iowa. The motel is called the Rock Motel, room 10. Sam and I actually have a semi-normal job today as well as our search for some way to kill Lucifer. There's a poltergeist in the house of this really nice young couple, so we're taking care of it for them. Have you ever dealt with a poltergeist before? Let me tell you right now, they're a pain in the ass. Anyway, this is pretty much just a basic, run-of-the-mill hunt, but you're welcome to help if you want to. Or just come. Please just come. I'm missing you, and you know I wouldn't normally ever say anything like that. Please, Cas, I could really use your help right now._

_Hey, Cas, we're in Missouri today, a little hole-in-the-wall town called Janus. Yeah, named after the pagan god. No idea why, but whatever. We're staying in the Botstein Motel, room 32. I'm starting to think that maybe this whole thing doesn't matter. Trying to find some way to beat Lucifer? As if we haven't already exhausted every possible route. This is the last act of a desperate man (desperate men? Whatever), and Sam and I both know it. Some help, or even just a little faith, would be really great right now. Please, Cas, just call back. I just need to know that you're alive._

_Taylorvile, Illinois today, and the motel we're staying in - Cornfield Motel, room 17 - sucks ass. This probably isn't the best sales pitch, is it? But come anyway. Please, Cas, I'm desperate. Sam is still insisting on this crusade to kill the Devil, but I'm getting tired. Part of me just wants to say yes to Michael and end the whole thing, but I know it won't really be over. If I say yes, then Michael wears me around and I get to kill Sam when he finally says yes. And I can't do that. But it's getting harder and harder not to just call Michael down and tell him yes already. But I won't do it. I promise. So, I hope I see you soon. Bye._

When Sam and Dean met up with Gabriel during the whole fiasco in Indiana with the pagan gods, Dean was desperate to ask the archangel if he had heard anything about Castiel. He seemed to like him, and he did seem to care about family; maybe he would help them find his little brother. But when he shoved the DVD into Dean's hands and told them to drive off without him, Dean knew Gabriel was going to die, and he knew he had missed his chance to get a new lead on Castiel. Watching the video didn't help much either; maybe they had found a way to trap the Devil, but first they had to get the jump on Pestilence and Death. They had barely beaten War and Famine, and they seemed like the less powerful Horsemen to Dean. Plus, if Pestilence and Death knew about what Sam and Dean had done to their brothers, they would probably want revenge, which would make the whole thing much messier. Dean desperately wanted Castiel's help.

 _Hey, Cas. Me again. I know I didn't call you yesterday; sorry about that. But Sam and I were a little busy. A group of pagan gods kidnapped us to use as bargaining chips to stop the apocalypse. Your brother Gabriel came to help us, but he didn't get out. I'm sorry. I don't know if you two were close, but he was your brother. He stayed to hold off Lucifer so Sam and I could get out, along with this girlfriend of his named Kali. Some goddess of destruction or something; I don't really know the specifics. Anyway, he gave us a message of a way we can trap the Devil, if not kill him. Apparently, if we can get the rings of the other two Horsemen, we can shove Lucifer back in his cage. Sam's optimistic about it, but I'm not. How are we supposed to defeat Pestilence and Death? War was hard enough with his manipulation thing, and we barely defeated Famine and we only managed because of his oversight with Sammy. How the hell are we supposed to defeat Pestilence if he can make us sick with a turn of his ring? And don't even get me started on Death. How can we get the ring away from fricking_ Death _? Anyway, you probably don't want to hear me ranting. Sorry about that. So, if you could help us, it would be really great. I don't know how we can do this without you. Please, Cas, I need to know you're alive. Sorry about the length of this message. Hope to see you soon._

 _We're at Bobby's today, trying to figure out where the hell Pestilence might be. We know where he's been; that's not too hard. But we have no idea where he's going to go next. We can only follow his trail of swine flu victims. The stupid son of a bitch is handing swine flu out like candy to trick-or-treaters. Do you know what trick-or-treating is? Actually, that doesn't matter, so ignore it. So anyway, we don't know how to get to Pestilence, and it doesn't seem like we're going to find a way any time soon. Some angel mojo would be nice. But I don't want you to think that I only want you for your powers or anything. Because that's not true. I need you for_ you _, Cas. Really. I need someone I can rely on, someone that isn't Sam or Bobby. Cause I can rely on them, but not like I can rely on you. You would always come when I called, and I…well, I felt like I had a real friend for the first time in a long, long while. And if you're dead…well, I don't know how much longer I'll be able to keep saying no to Michael. But I don't think you are. I think I would know. Somehow, I would know if you were dead. I'm going to keep hoping for as long as I can. So I'm not going to end with a question, I'm going to end with a statement. See ya, Cas._

 _God, Cas, can you please get your ass over here? I almost don't know whether to hope you're getting these voicemails or not, because if you aren't, then you're probably dead or close to it, and if you are, then you're ignoring me. Shows how much I care about you that they're both bad options, huh? But I really need you to come. Sam and I are at a hospital in Minnesota right now, but we'll be back at Bobby's place soon. If you could pop up there, it would be great, really. We can figure out where Pestilence has been, but not where he's going next. A hand would be much appreciated. And…well, Cas, I…I guess…Ireallywannaseeyouagain. Um, that is, I miss you. In a platonic way. And I would like to know that you're alive. And I'd like to see you again sometime soon. Please, Cas, I need you. I can't do this without you. I care about you more than I've cared for anyone ever before. I pray every fricking night to you. And most nights I add in a prayer for you too, just in case. I doubt God's listening, or anyone else up there, but I say it anyway. Sam doesn't know. I'm sure he'd make fun of me if he did, but I only do it when he can't hear. But he can see that I'm a wreck. I think he puts it down to just the stress of going after Pestilence, but it's more than that. I barely sleep. I can't eat hamburgers anymore, you know that? I see one and I just think of you eating them all the time when we fought Famine, saying the number was in the low hundreds and acting as if that was okay because to an angel- I… Okay, first off, I am_ not _crying. My voice is only choked up because of dust in the air or something. Second, I need you back here with me. Castiel, I don't know how much longer I can do this. Please come back._

Sam did notice that Dean was falling apart slowly, but he did put it down to the stress of the ever-looming apocalypse and the pressure of both him and Sam being vessels destined to fight each other. Plus, he knew the hunt for Pestilence wasn't helping. He didn't know or even suspect that this was about Castiel. Though he had by no means forgotten about the angel, Castiel was far from Sam's first priority. But Dean had realized that finding Castiel was one of his top priorities, maybe even his first one. If he had to choose between solid lead to where Pestilence would be next and a lead on Castiel, he actually wasn't sure which one he would follow first. Dean had always thought Sam was the thing he cared most about and the only thing he would ever care about that much, but Castiel was sprinting to catch up. Pretty much every one of Dean's waking moments (and quite a few of his sleeping ones as well) were about either finding a way to stop Lucifer before he could get his hands on Sam or about finding Castiel. He kept dreaming about Castiel, the way he had a few times when the angel wanted to get messages to him. Only these weren't messages; they were just dreams. And they stayed pretty normal. For the most part, at least.

 _Hey, Cas. Sam's out investigating a lead on Pestilence, but he made me stay here at Bobby's. He says I need to get some sleep. And I did sleep, and I had a really weird dream. Let me tell you right now, if I were talking to you face-to-face, there is no way in hell that I would say this, but saying it on a voicemail is different for some reason. Plus I don't think you'll ever check these. Hell, I don't even know if you know_ how _to check your voicemail. But anyway, my dream. Um…oh God, I can't believe I'm telling you this, but in the dream, we might have sort of kissed. I don't know why it happened, but it did. And, well, it made me really happy when we did. Maybe I should give you a little background. So, in the dream, I was at Bobby's house, and it seemed pretty real. And I went into the bathroom and I was at the sink, and I splashed water on my face, then I looked up and you were behind me in the mirror. You didn't care about my personal space, of course, but this time, I didn't care. So, um, I might have grabbed you and hugged you when I saw you. And it might have somehow gone from a hug to a kiss. I don't know how the hell it happened, actually, but suddenly we were kissing. And let me tell you, in my dream, you are one hell of a kisser. And then, well, I woke up. And this might have actually been the weirdest part. Because, um…if you tell anyone this, I will murder you, but this wasn't the first time I had a dream about another guy. And…don't get me wrong, I'm not a homophobe or something, but discovering my "sexual identity" or whatever the hell it's called is not something I want to deal with right now. So most of the time, when I have a dream like that, I'm kinda relieved when I wake up. But after this dream…I woke up and I almost started crying. I'm not sure what I'm trying to say, except…Cas, please, come back. I think…I think I'm…never mind. Just come back, will you? For me?_

 _Cas, I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you. Whoa. It actually felt really good just get that out. But, um, it's true. I think I'm in love with you. That's what I almost said at the end of the last message, but I didn't want to say it aloud. But now, I need to just tell you. I love you I love you I love you. And I need you here, with me, or I'll… Wait, shit, no, I don't mean for this to sound like some lovestruck teenage girl threatening to do something stupid if the guy she loves doesn't love her back. Because that's not what it is. I'm just saying that I really want you by my side again, even if you don't share the feelings I have for you. Sam…well, as much as I hate to admit it, Sam makes me weaker. I'm his biggest weakness and he's mine. But you…being with you makes me stronger. I'm not ashamed to admit it anymore. I want you by my side. Please, Cas, I need to see you again. You can't be dead. You can't be gone. I couldn't…I wouldn't be able to… Cas, I love you, and I need you here with me. So please, please,_ please _come back. Um, anyway, Sam's calling me from downstairs - we're at Bobby's house again - so I need to go. Please come back, Cas. I love you._

_Hey, Cas, we've actually got a lead now, thanks to Crowley, of all people. Demons? Whatever. It's a stupid saying. Anyway, he says he can lead us to Pestilence's handler. So we'll probably be dealing with that for the next few days. I trust Crowley about as far as I can throw him, so if you could come and help make sure he doesn't double-cross us, that would be appreciated. Or if you could just come so I'd know you're alive, that would be great too. I'm a little embarrassed by the last message - I came on a little strong - but it's all true. So please come, Cas. You know I love you, and if you feel anything for me at all, I hope you'll come. Okay, gotta go, Sam's calling me. Please, Cas, I need you here with me._

Dean didn't get a chance to call Castiel again. He had to find Pestilence's handler, who turned out to be wearing friend of Sam's and to be the one that killed Jess, so Dean had to keep Sam from killing Brady before they got the information they needed. All in all, too much was going on for Dean to get a chance to call Castiel. When he got back to Bobby's, he had been planning on it, but everything blew up in his face and he couldn't.

Then Dean's phone rang.

"Hello?" he snapped angrily, ready to unleash his fury on whoever happened to call at the worst possible time.

 _"Dean?"_  came the response, and Dean's throat went tight and his heart seemed to skip a beat because it was a voice he had begun to think he'd never hear again.

"Cas?" Dean asked, his voice shocked.

"Is he okay?" Sam asked.

Dean ignored him. "We all thought you were dead," he told Castiel in a voice that wasn't quite as steady as he wanted it to be. "Where the hell are you, man?"

 _"A hospital,"_  Castiel replied.

Dean's stomach twisted. "Are you okay?"

_"No."_

"You want to elaborate?" Dean demanded when Castiel didn't say anything else.

 _"I just woke up here,"_ Castiel replied.  _"The doctors were fairly surprised. They thought I was brain-dead_."

Dean's heart dropped at the thought. "S-so, a hospital?" he asked. Damn that little stutter.

 _"Apparently, after Van Nuys, I suddenly appeared, bloody and unconscious, on a shrimping boat off Delacroix,"_ Castiel told Dean in a matter-of-fact tone.  _"I'm told it upset the sailors."_

Dean had no idea how to respond to that. "Uh, well, I got to tell you, man, you're just in time," he said, changing the subject. "We figured out a way to pop Satan's box."

 _"How?"_ Castiel asked, sounding interested.

"It's a long story, but, look, we're going after Pestilence now. So if you want to zap over here…" Dean's heart felt lighter than it had for a long time.

_"I can't 'zap' anywhere."_

And Dean's heart was back to lead again. "What do you mean?" he demanded.

Castiel sighed. _"You could say my batteries are…are drained,"_ he replied hesitantly.

"What do you mean?" Dean demanded again. "You're out of angel mojo?"

 _"I'm saying that I am thirsty and my head aches," Castiel_ replied, sounding exasperated.  _"I have a bug bite that itches no matter how much I scratch it, and I'm saying that I'm just incredibly…"_ Castiel let out an almost amused little huff.

"Human," Dean finished. The word lingered in the air for a moment. "Wow. Sorry." The words seemed woefully inadequate, but Dean couldn't think of anything else to say.

 _"Well, my point is, I can't go anywhere without money for… an airplane ride,"_ Castiel replied, sounding almost embarrassed by his own weakness.  _"And food. And more pain medication, ideally."_

"All right," Dean replied. "Well, look, no worries. Uh, Bobby's here. He'll wire you the cash."

"I will?" Bobby asked. Dean glared at him.

 _"Dean, wait,"_ Castiel put in. Dean refocused his attention on the phone.  _"You said 'no' to Michael_ ," Castiel added.  _"I owe you an apology."_

"Cas…" Dean wasn't quite sure what he should say in response to that. Saying something like "it was because of you" sounded incredibly cheesy, but Dean felt he had to say something. "I-it's okay."

 _"You are not the burnt and broken shell of a man that I believed you to be,"_ Castiel pronounced, sounding utterly serious.

Dean did a small double take. "Thank you," he replied, not quite sure what else could be said. "I appreciate that."

 _"You're welcome,"_ Castiel replied, and he hung up. Dean looked at the phone for a moment.

As strange as it was, he was actually touched.

* * *

A while later, after Castiel saved their lives with Pestilence but before they started talking strategy at Bobby's house, Dean managed to get a moment alone with Castiel.

"Hey, Cas?" he asked.

Castiel looked over. He looked like shit, to be honest. Dean didn't like the idea of taking him back out into the field any time soon, but he knew they had to. "Yes, Dean?"

"Do you know what happened to your phone when you appeared on that fishing boat?" Dean asked.

Castiel frowned. "No," he replied. "I would assume that it fell out and into the water. Why?"

"No reason," Dean replied. That meant that Castiel hadn't listened to any of the progressively-more-desperate voicemails that Dean had left.

Dean wasn't sure whether to be relieved or not.

**Author's Note:**

> My writing tumblr is [here](http://winterskywrites.tumblr.com/), if you're interested.


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